Scary to imagine not being yourself again! We all love ourselves too much to think of being someone else. But how much worse it must be for Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, Sonia Gandhi or the Queen of England!Who am I? The obvious answer is, ‘a human being.’ More specifically, ‘a woman.’ That's easy. But going beyond that, what defines or describes me? Daughter, wife, mother, editor, journalist, writer, friend, sister or colleague? What’s the order of priority?
When I introduce myself to another, what is the description I use? This invariably changes in the context of whom I meet. As a colleague puts it, “When I meet my husband’s friends, I am his wife; when I go to my children’s PTA meet, I go as a mother, and when I meet people officially and even socially, my official profile takes over. And if there are so many shifting descriptions of me, who is the real me?The point is who do you feel like most of the time? Who are you really when you are alone with yourself? Alone with your thoughts, at the mercy of your sense of morality and ethics, your innate judgement of your own self? Naked with your own self, so to speak!
In that state, can you meet your own eyes and proudly declare the truth of whom or what you really are? Can you face that definition of your real self? That’s the true test, and that’s the true description of you. As a friend, Vice Admiral Pradeep Chatterjee put it in a discussion on the same topic, “Have you ever seen yourself? Not really. All you see in the mirror is a reflection; we can never really see ourselves.” Profound thought.
Is your real self defined by the past, the future or present? Does the family I am born to become my identity card, or am I defined by the future I aspire to? Or yet again, does my present status state the truth of who I am?
Most of the time, as our cover story for this issue says, we use our jobs as our identity card. How can a job define you? Or, can it? If your work is an extension of you, something you not just enjoy doing, but what flows from within you, then maybe it can be a true descriptor of you…
And yet, even though we do not even know ourselves, we do love ourselves a lot. As a small dipstick survey, I put up this question on Facebook, “Would any of you really want to be somebody else other than who or what you are? In this life, or another?” I also posed this question to many friends and acquaintances. All, with just three exceptions, categorically stated they would not want to be anyone other than themselves! And even the exceptions made cryptic comments such as “Change is always good” (Gaurav Jalan); “I don’t mind... Variety is the spice of life, in this lifetime and another” (Vidhu Aul), or “Someone else — I would certainly want to be Einstein for his brains, Tendulkar for his simplicity and Woods for his appetite! Tough combo, right? But what’s wrong in wanting!” (Akhilesh Mishra)
The rest all had no doubt they were happy being themselves, though quite a few wished to add some positives and maybe get rid of a few negatives.The college friend I rediscovered on Facebook, Sudeep Virk, says, “Life is beautiful; I would like to come back .as myself (a little variation won’t hurt though).” Says Harshita Singh, “Nope...am very content and happy being what I am.” Samira Kunal Soni adds, “Not someone else for sure, but definitely a better version of ‘me’ with all those things in myself I want to work on!” KPS Shante adds his bit, “No way I’d wish to be another ..!!! God’s been merciful... and I enjoyed the mistakes, the skinned knees, the falls, the rises and the learning process...!!!”
Impressive thoughts and amazing that we are all so sure of wanting to be just ourselves. And, scary indeed to know that we cannot possibly be reborn as ourselves! When such fears strike, I console myself by thinking how much tougher it must be for Aishwarya Rai to know she will not be reborn as “the world’s most beautiful woman!” Or, for Amitabh Bachchan to know he will not be AB again. Or for Sonia Gandhi to know she will not be an Italian-born Indian-ruler again. Or for Queen Elizabeth to know she will not be Queen of England ever again…
Continuing with my friends’ comments, says Swati Sood, “All of us have a signature style and I would just want to be myself always...forever.” Purba Dutt’s wish list galloped without reins, “I’d really want to be essentially me... but could do with the luck of someone, the erudition of someone else, the riches of Ambani, but the soul very much mine. Also, I’d like myself to be taller, thinner... the rest... but the scaffolding still mine!” Quite a ‘tall’ order that!
Can anyone doubt how much in love with ourselves we all are? And this without knowing who we really are! Truly is it said love is blind… As friend and former model Simar Dugal sums up philosophically in her comment, “Would rather bear the ills we have than fly to others we know not of....”
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